Insight

Every once in a while I get a jolt - a glimpse of one of my children that lets me see their inner-workings.  Through this adoption process, we have had many windows into our kids' psyches.  Last night, Jenna caught me a little off-guard.  I have to share - and for the record, she said it was fine for me to write about this - I felt I had to clear it with her first.

She told me not to laugh; I promised not to laugh.  She told me to not make fun of her (as if I do this all the time...); I said I would not.  She made me promise that I would not think what she was going to tell me was weird or stupid; I did promise.

Then she told me that soon after we decided to accept the referral for Zoey to be part of our Forever Family, she started up a gmail account for her.  Since December, she has done her own private blogging - by emailing Zoey letters to this account.  The letters were absolutely amazing.  Telling of Jenna's life, our family (in detail), our decision to make her part of our family, the long wait, the paperwork issues we've had, and the excitement throughout the process.  She wrote to Zoey about all of our personalities, our education, our hobbies and our interests.  She wrote to her about our family, how we get along, and how we spend time.  She also wrote about our reactions to the different steps through this adoption process - about how shocked we were when we received such a speedy travel approval, and how I lost my composure by jumping up and down screaming with excitement at the record-breaking speed which our paperwork was approved.  She wrote to her about how excited she is to be able to travel to Zoey's birth country and bring her home.  Despite her youth, Jenna's letters were incredibly insightful, not to mention that her explanations were so very sweet. 

As for Meg and Sam - every day they come home with new conversations to report about whom they have told about Zoey.  I don't think I give them enough credit - I sometimes feel as if I don't want to overshadow anything they do with talk about Zoey.  I am afraid they are going to think I am totally obsessed (which I might be, but cut me some slack - we are getting on a plane in one week and 8 hours, but who's counting...), or not concerned with what is going on in their lives at this moment because of that obsession (which is not the case - I am living swim, baseball, Seussical, Jesus Day and second grade multiplication).  I walk a fine line - I don't want them to be jealous of the attention Zoey is getting before she even gets here, but it is a big deal right now and I want to prepare them by discussing all kinds of information with them.  But I noticed lately that they bring it up - they are just as excited as Bryan and I are at any given moment.  They bring her into conversations.  They ask if we have received any updates (and my response is the same - "No.  If we did receive one, you'd hear me scream all the way to Pittsburgh.").   They talk about the trip.  They talk about "when Zoey is here..." I do as well, but usually after their lead. 

I think my point is...well, I am not really sure.  I guess it is that we are ALL excited - and I really am glad that this process has taken longer than expected because they all "get it."  They understand to an extent where she is coming from and how this is going to change our lives.  They have a working knowledge of what to expect.  They may not understand the reality (heck I don't either), but I think they have developed a deeper sense of compassion than I even expected at this point.

So, I think on that front I can relax a little - I have to trust that everything will be okay, this is meant to be and all will be just fine.  Hopefully these are more of those little signs that keep appearing on this journey.  But that is another story - for another day's entry.  Looking to get an itinerary tomorrow - we do have our travel conference tomorrow afternoon.  And we get to meet with Jenna's principal about pulling her out of school.  Fun, fun, fun.