Why China?

As we draw a little closer to leaving, we are fielding many questions surrounding our choice to adopt Zoey. I wanted to explain a little background behind our purpose for doing this and hopefully educate those who don’t understand our reasons. 

So-why China? 

Easy answer: Because that is where our daughter is.

Less simple answer: Bryan understands what it means to be given a “new life” through adoption.  I lived in Asia for three wonderful years.  I respect and admire the Asian culture and traditions, its rich history, and the respectful ways of the people.  Children’s issues also tug hard on my heartstrings, as many of you may know.  The reasons for adopting from China are compelling to us.  China has particularly interesting dynamics that lead to the presence of over one million orphans. Most of them are girls. Most of them are special needs kids, meaning that for one reason or another they are not “perfect” in Chinese culture and would be treated very differently growing up from a more typical kid.  Bryan and I have always discussed replacing ourselves and adopting a third child (then Sam came along, but that feeling has never gone away so we’re now going for child #4).  It was never a question that we would go anywhere else but China.

Philosophical and theological reasons:  Bryan and I have felt that this is “the Plan” for us – I don’t think that God has this in His plan for children to be abandoned, but for many years we have felt that this is in His plan for us – to accept a child who is not biologically ours into our family.  We just can’t ignore the signs any longer.  I think we did try to ignore the signs – raising three overly-energetic children hasn’t been a piece of cake all of the time, and often we have stepped back, banged our heads against a wall, and asked if this was the right thing to do for our family.  But amazingly, throughout all times during this journey, there has always been one of us who would be strong and keep pushing through – not always me, not always Bryan, but at no time did both of us stop and say, “Nope, we’re holding at 3.”  We have to trust that it is in the Plan – hers, mine, His, ours.  We just have to have faith that this is what we are meant to do, and all will be fine.  It won’t be easy, just as it has not so far, but even up to this point raising the three we have has had more rewards that I have time to write in this Blog.  I have also earned my fair share of grey hair…

So, when we received the referral on Zoey, it was a crazy, crazy day.  I had a meeting that went late (REALLY late), we were late getting 2 kids to various activities, dinner hadn’t been prepared, dogs needed to go out, and I was overwhelmed, to say the least.  Bryan had taken the call from the agency before I arrived home, and when I did finally arrive home, he told me to sit down.  I didn’t want to – I was on autopilot and had things to do, places to go, people to see, etc… Bryan said, “Sit down.  Judy called.  She’s sending us a file.”  All 5 of us stopped.  I sat down.  I opened my laptop.  I think in my heart I knew-we had a lot to review and decisions to make, but Bryan and I sat down at that very minute and looked at all of the information-the pictures, the medical info, the narratives.   That was it.  No major life discussions.  No looking back.  Not to say that during the last couple months there haven’t been some times where we witness the kids physically beating each other up, someone screaming, no time to myself, etc…, we haven’t asked – ”Are we sure?”  But amazingly, we are.   

So the purpose of this Blog is to create a record for Zoey for her to understand how we prepared for her, how we made it through the time just before we met her, and how we all merged our journeys and began life together as a Forever Family.  But, a little bonus would be if this Blog struck a cord with someone reading it – someone else out there has been avoiding the signs of a similar calling, maybe someone who thinks the idea is totally crazy, but can’t leave the idea alone, and it nags in the back of their mind for years...

At one week of age, Zoey was left on the steps of a supermarket in Fuyang, Anhui, which is a very rural town south of Beijing and west of Shanghai.  She had a cleft lip, which likely rendered her difficult to feed and care for at such an early age, especially in a small province and in a country where such a trait is not socially accepted.  The birth parent(s) intentionally placed her in a very public place and in a way that indicates her birth mom/parents loved her and wanted her to be discovered and cared for.   Somehow along the way, we have been matched with her.  Just like the ancient Chinese proverb, this “Red Thread” is bringing us closer and closer together with every passing day.

Another child approached Megs late last week and informed her that we are “buying” a baby from China.  Megs is still having difficulty with this, and keeps bringing it up, especially as she has seen all of the steps we have had to go through to get to this point, all of the service providers who had assisted in helping us reach this point, and all of the inter-country coordination and assistance that we have needed with every step we have faced.  The fees we have had to pay aren’t small, but like childbirth, we have had to pay people for their services to help with our “paper pregnancy.”   The difference is that Anthem doesn’t reimburse our expenses for coordination of this inter-country adoption.

The reality is that if Zoey were to stay in China, she wouldn’t have much of a future.  Chinese parents are locked into having one child by law, unless they wish to pay one full years’ salary to the government as a penalty for having a second child.  If you are allowed to have only one, you want a good strong (healthy) male to be your heir and take care of the family.  As a result, girls, and boys and girls with birth defects, are abandoned every day.  If they are not adopted by age 14, they will age out of the foster system at 18.  This is, unfortunately, a very anti-female society, and with no family to protect them, it is not an easy life. 

So…where do we come in?  For some reason, and I know there must be one, I am leaving in TWO DAYS to go to China.  In one week from right now, we should have another beautiful daughter to call our own.  While I don’t believe that God intends for babies to be abandoned by their parents, we have been given the opportunity to bring Zoey into our hearts and treat her as our own. She is not born from my body, but has grown in our hearts.